At first glance you may think this is going to be about Childcare legislature, or standards of childcare in Australia, or perhaps the government’s involvement in subsidising childcare. But its not about that at all. This is about something that happened today, something that made me question my ability to be a mother, and my decisions I’ve made for my son.
If you’ve been reading, you know that we’ve had some issues with childcare. Nicklas was originally enrolled in the babies room, for bubs aged 6 weeks to 15 months. And if you’ve been reading, you also know that he was the oldest in the class by at least 5 months, if not more, and at that age that is too big a gap. Especially when Nicklas, at 14 months, was walking and running around and wanting more stimulation than the baby toys.
Now he is in the toddler room and goes on Mondays and Thursdays. The first two days last week were ok. They were better than any day in the babies room had been! So today when my husband went to drop him off, I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t bare the thought of him getting so upset again and just thinking about it got me upset. So I posted a facebook status to that effect, something about how I was faking my excitement about it for his sake, and wondered if he could sense that. A friend responded, telling me with all the love in the world, to HTFU (harden the eff up). I told her she was right, and that he would be fine, that I knew this but still didn’t want him to be unnecessarily upset. Another friend responds, telling aforementioned friend and I to read some child psychology books, because she doesn’t want to tell us the “truth” about kindy and kids under the age of 4.
At first I was angry, responding “what books?” and also stated that in an ideal world we would all be supermums with bank accounts that would allow us to stay home until our kids were 4, without going insane or broke. Looking back on it now, in an ideal world, no child would be kept at home until the age of 4. In Australia, kids go to prep school at 4 1/2. How do you keep a child home for 4 1/2 years and then expect them to go off to prep?? Or start grade 1 a year later? I would think that would be a much bigger shock to their system, their comfort zone, than going to kindy a couple of days a week at an earlier age.
But don’t ask me, I didn’t write any child psychology books.
My anger turned to guilt, and then to resentfulness. I admit I had a bit of a cry, thinking I was a horrible mother for choosing to put my kid in childcare when it wasn’t absolutely necessary. But then, under what circumstance would it be absolutely necessary to people who believe babies should stay home with mum until they’re 4??? I imagine those people do everything in their power to make that happen. In my mind, a sane mother is much better than one who is at the end of her tether because she hasn’t had 10 minutes to herself all week. I am a much better mother to Nicklas after he has been away from me for 8 hours.
My sanity aside, Nicklas gets to spend 2 whole days playing with kids his own age and size, playing with all kinds of different toys, painting, and guess what? HE NAPS AT KINDY! Last Thursday he napped almost 3 hours. He has his bottle, crawls on his little mattress, and goes to sleep. He doesn’t do that at home!
And when its time for him to go to kindergarten, and prep, and first grade, he’ll already be adjusted to that kind of schedule and routine.
I’m certain that childcare is a very hot topic, and I’m certain that you could find material to support your side of the argument no matter what side of the fence you sit on. What I don’t appreciate is being made to feel like I am doing unncessary harm to my child, when I made the decision to send him to kindy with both our best interests at heart. I don’t necessarily like making him upset, but I also know that it won’t be long before he gets over it. I think it is the biggest shame, when women start attacking each other for the way they raise their children. Obviously if there is abuse, or smoking, or mistreatment, then that is one thing, but decisions such as childcare, whether or not to stay home or go back to work, what age to feed them foods, what age to do this or do that, those are things that each mother should be able to do without worrying about what other mums are going to say, or what other people think.
At the end of the day, I believe every good mother knows her child, and does what she believes is best for that child. And as women, and as mothers, we should support each other in those decisions. Because there is too much other shit in the world to have to sort through, without adding narrow-minded criticism to the load.
But I guess that is just my 2 cents worth. And “Eh, who cares?”
For what it’s worth, I think your decision to send him to kindy is excellent. For both of you. He needs the social interaction, and you need the break. Plus all of the reasons you already outlined.
Make the best decisions you can; it’s your life & his – no one else’s.
Don’t worry about the others…Erin and Abbey both went to daycare at different ages, for different reasons before preschool and they turned out fine. They were both well adjusted when it came time for preschool that it didn’t bother them that I was leaving for a couple hours. Sure, they each had their moments when they cried and didn’t want me to leave, but loved the social interaction and kids to play with. There were many days they didn’t want to go home!! I knew before I had kids that I would never be the stay at home type and I certainly don’t regret any decision that we have made. Our kids made the transition to school so much easier than many others and now have the luxery of having 1 parent home each day and we still get our time away to work or just reclaim or sanity! You and Mike are doing a great job!! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise…Nick will be fine in kindy!!