Sexisms and Old Fuddy-Duddies October 23, 2009

So I’m sitting there watching TV yesterday, and there’s a commercial for a baby alive, or baby born or something, and its a doll, that PEES and POOPS! Really, who needs a baby when you can get a doll that pretty much does everything your newborn would do????

Obviously there were two little girls in the commercial playing with the dolls. The VERY NEXT commercial was for a car-track-mountain-racer-thing, and had two little BOYS playing with it.

Fast forward 20 years, and each boy is wondering why the girls want to have babies so badly and the girls are wondering why all the boys care about is their cars. Problem solved! Just let boys play with dolls that pee and poo and girls play with race cars.

On a serious note, you have to wonder if the associations aren’t somewhat of a factor in the way that boys and girls turn out. Those dolls are probably great for any kid who is about to become an older sibling. Why do things have to be so gender-oriented ? My son absolutely loves a toy kitchen one of his little girl friends has. So I went looking for one for him for Christmas. I found one at Target, but they only had it in bright pink! I’ve since seen another one at Toys R Us so we are going tomorrow to have a look at it.

I’m not sure how I’d feel if my son was interested in playing with dolls. I don’t think I’d care. The fact is, he’s not that overly keen on toys anyway, so when he likes something and it occupies him for more than 30 seconds, I say its a winner!

In a similar theme, but a little bit scarier, I was reading an op-ed column today about whether or not our kids are growing up too quickly today. My initial response is a resounding “HELL YES THEY ARE!” But then I think, “This is what our parents, and their parents thought, too.” So how young is too young? The article I read mentioned a crop-top style of bra for TODDLERS. Yes, you read that right, a BRA FOR TODDLERS! I mean, I try to keep this blog G-rated, but seriously, WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I can understand why Elvis was so shocking to my grandmother’s generation. That kind of gyrating was a bit OTT for the public. But what of today’s music lyrics, music videos, movies, the internet, magazines…everywhere kids turn there is SEX or sexualised themes. Girls don’t want to grow up to be Prime Minister or President, they want to grow up to live in the Playboy Mansion. Makes me think of Pink’s “Stupid Girls” song. Yes, I’m generalising, and not every girl out there wants to be some dumb ho when they grow up. But I’d hazard a guess as to say that MOST girls are self-conscious, have body-image issues, and are only made to feel worse about themselves from bullying and teasing at school if they don’t want to kiss a boy, or heaven forbid to more than kiss him! I think its hard enough to go through the pressures of that as a teenager, without having to start worrying about it at SIX YEARS OLD.

Who is going to stop this? Who is going to stand up and say “Enough is enough”? Is it not our responsibility as parents to let our kids be kids for as long as possible? I’m not saying keep them sheltered and let them grow up in a naiive environment. But we need to be the ones to protect them, and to encourage them to be the absolute best they can be, and to raise them to be the young men and women we want to see the next generation become. But can’t we let them have a childhood, first?

Seeking Asylum in Australia October 15, 2009

Dear Indonesians,

If your country sucks, which I’m led to believe several of them do, just jump a boat to Australia. The worst case scenario is your boat will be pulled up and taken to Christmas Island where you’ll all be processed and granted visas for Australia. Welcome aboard.

Love from the Australian Government

I’m a bit irritated, if you can’t tell. Boats are caught in international waters on a weekly basis, heading for Australia with any number of immigrants seeking asylum in Australia. While I understand the reasons these people leave their countries, I don’t think rewarding them for illegally trying to come ashore in Australia is an appropriate response. PM Rudd says he won’t tolerate people smuggling, yet that is exactly what we are doing by providing safe harbour for the migrants who are on board these ships. We have a $400M+ facility on Christmas Island where they are held until their visas are processed before sending them to the mainland.

According to one news article, over 700 asylum seekers have been intercepted in the last 6 weeks. And really, why wouldn’t there be, when they  know they won’t be turned away?

The Great Childcare Debate October 12, 2009

At first glance you may think this is going to be about Childcare legislature, or standards of childcare in Australia, or perhaps the government’s involvement in subsidising childcare. But its not about that at all. This is about something that happened today, something that made me question my ability to be a mother, and my decisions I’ve made for my son.

If you’ve been reading, you know that we’ve had some issues with childcare. Nicklas was originally enrolled in the babies room, for bubs aged 6 weeks to 15 months. And if you’ve been reading, you also know that he was the oldest in the class by at least 5 months, if not more, and at that age that is too big a gap. Especially when Nicklas, at 14 months, was walking and running around and wanting more stimulation than the baby toys.

Now he is in the toddler room and goes on Mondays and Thursdays. The first two days last week were ok. They were better than any day in the babies room had been! So today when my husband went to drop him off, I felt a knot in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t bare the thought of him getting so upset again and just thinking about it got me upset. So I posted a facebook status to that effect, something about how I was faking my excitement about it for his sake, and wondered if he could sense that. A friend responded, telling me with all the love in the world, to HTFU (harden the eff up). I told her she was right, and that he would be fine, that I knew this but still didn’t want him to be unnecessarily upset. Another friend responds, telling aforementioned friend and I to read some child psychology books, because she doesn’t want to tell us the “truth” about kindy and kids under the age of 4.

At first I was angry, responding “what books?” and also stated that in an ideal world we would all be supermums with bank accounts that would allow us to stay home until our kids were 4, without going insane or broke. Looking back on it now, in an ideal world, no child would be kept at home until the age of 4. In Australia, kids go to prep school at 4 1/2. How do you keep a child home for 4 1/2 years and then expect them to go off to prep?? Or start grade 1 a year later? I would think that would be a much bigger shock to their system, their comfort zone, than going to kindy a couple of days a week at an earlier age.

But don’t ask me, I didn’t write any child psychology books.

My anger turned to guilt, and then to resentfulness. I admit I had a bit of a cry, thinking I was a horrible mother for choosing to put my kid in childcare when it wasn’t absolutely necessary. But then, under what circumstance would it be absolutely necessary to people who believe babies should stay home with mum until they’re 4??? I imagine those people do everything in their power to make that happen. In my mind, a sane mother is much better than one who is at the end of her tether because she hasn’t had 10 minutes to herself all week. I am a much better mother to Nicklas after he has been away from me for 8 hours.

My sanity aside, Nicklas gets to spend 2 whole days playing with kids his own age and size, playing with all kinds of different toys, painting, and guess what? HE NAPS AT KINDY! Last Thursday he napped almost 3 hours. He has his bottle, crawls on his little mattress, and goes to sleep. He doesn’t do that at home!

And when its time for him to go to kindergarten, and prep, and first grade, he’ll already be adjusted to that kind of schedule and routine.

I’m certain that childcare is a very hot topic, and I’m certain that you could find material to support your side of the argument no matter what side of the fence you sit on. What I don’t appreciate is being made to feel like I am doing unncessary harm to my child, when I made the decision to send him to kindy with both our best interests at heart. I don’t necessarily like making him upset, but I also know that it won’t be long before he gets over it. I think it is the biggest shame, when women start attacking each other for the way they raise their children. Obviously if there is abuse, or smoking, or mistreatment, then that is one thing, but decisions such as childcare, whether or not to stay home or go back to work, what age to feed them foods, what age to do this or do that, those are things that each mother should be able to do without worrying about what other mums are going to say, or what other people think.

At the end of the day, I believe every good mother knows her child, and does what she believes is best for that child. And as women, and as mothers, we should support each other in those decisions. Because there is too much other shit in the world to have to sort through, without adding narrow-minded criticism to the load.

But I guess that is just my 2 cents worth. And “Eh, who cares?”

That “Hey Hey” Skit October 9, 2009

Oooooooh boy. Where do you start with this one?

Firstly, I’m Australian. I was born and raised in Australia. But I spent my years between 18 and 29 years of age living in the US. I love the US, and I love its people. I have probably an equal split of Aussies and Americans on my facebook friends list. I appreciate its history, and the struggles it has been through with racism. I understand there are certain things people should be sensitive to when it comes to that history.

I also love Australia and her people. And I think that Australians and Americans are not as different as they would like to think. I know we both love a good laugh, and we like to be entertained. But I also know we have different senses of humor.

Case in point…my first month at college in the US, a “comedian” (I use the term loosely) came to JU and put on a performance for us, where he made fun of the mentally handicapped kid. And the students in attendance roared, and thought it was funny. The poor guy ran out in tears. I honestly didn’t get it. It was downright cruel.

My point with that story, is that some people find tasteless things funny, others don’t. But I think we need to look at the bigger picture here. 5 guys, actually I think it was 6, got dressed up, painted their faces, and sang a Jackson 5 song. What the American media ISN’T reporting, is that the lead singer had Indian heritage. He painted his dark skin white for the skit. Is that “ok” because white people don’t have a history of opression?

As someone who has lived in the Deep South, and who has an understanding of America’s history with racism (and to be honest, I think most Australians really don’t have a true understanding of the issue), I didn’t think the skit was as racist as I thought it was poor timing. Given Michael Jackson’s recent death, and the tragedy that has befallen the Jackson family, I think the timing was way off.

Consider these scenarios and tell me why they are different. A group of black men go on the show and perform a Jackson 5 song poorly. What is that? Racist? Demeaning? Disrespectful? Or meant to be fun? How about this, 5 black men paint their faces white and do a “Backstreet Boys” performance. Is that racist? WHAT PART of what they did was so disrespectful and racist? Is this another case of political correctness going too far?

I resent the comments being made my American media, The View and Bill O’Reilly included. I resent the generalisations that Australia is a racist country, that Australians don’t treat the Aboriginies well at all, that Australia is “behind” in the Civil Rights movement. Sure, Australia has as many blemishes on its past treatment of indigenous people as does the US.

The Hey Hey “Red Faces” segment is meant to be satire. Noone that is on that talent portion of the variety show is ever actually talented. Its supposed to be silly and funny. I find myself wishing Harry Connick Junior wasn’t on the show. This would never have become the issue that it has become. I love HCJ and I don’t blame him. I respect him for speaking out against something he thought was inappropriate, but the whole thing has gotten blown way out of proportion and I can’t wait for it to blow over.

Out of curiousity, what do you think is worse? The Hey Hey skit, or Prince Harry going to a Halloween costume dressed in a nazi uniform?

A Kindy Update…Among Other Things October 3, 2009

Well the kindy dramas have somewhat been resolved. I got a message Thursday afternoon from the director of the child care centre saying she had good news, a spot had come available for Nicklas on Mondays and Thursdays, please call her back if we wanted it.

Originally our days were Tuesday and Friday but I told her we’d take any 2 days that came availble. At the time, she thought Tuesday and Thursday might come available, which would have been ideal. Those were the days I originally wanted! So the good news is he’s back in kindy, and this time will be in the toddler room. He will be SO MUCH happier in that room! I think he’s going to love it! I think the first few days might be rough, being as though he had such a bad experience there before. But hopefully it won’t take long to get to the stage where he cries at drop off but 2 minutes after the door is shut, he’s off playing and being fine. Just to make things a bit easier on his first day back, we’re going to have Mike drop him off. He doesn’t seem to get as upset, or stay upset as long, when Mike drops him off as opposed to me dropping him off.

The only thing left to do now is wait and see when he’ll be ready to go back! The first weekend after he started kindy he had a fever and runny nose. That turned into a cough and he hasn’t been able to shake it. A couple of medical professionals have told me that it can take as many as 6 weeks for kids/toddlers to shake a cough. If it was a little cough that didn’t bother him much, I’d probably think nothing of it. But it racks his whole body, and it wakes him (and us) up at night. He’s slept with us a couple of nights now, and I don’t think any of us get even a half decent sleep. It is just SO HARD to see your little boy in so much discomfort, and not be able to do anything about it. I can’t imagine how parents feel when their little ones have serious illnesses and they can’t help. I don’t remember the last time I felt so useless.

That’s pretty much all my mommy news. In personal news, I have had my second exam at uni, and am not sure when we’ll get those results back but hopefully soon. I am hoping I’ve done well enough in the two exams to have a little less pressure on the paper that is due at the end of this month. I know that sounds very underachieverish of me, but so be it. At the end of the day, I just want the piece of paper that will helpfully help me land a new job and a new career. I have applied for a few part time positions, only to hear nothing back, as usual. It is so discouraging. At least with Nicklas back in care two days a week, I have 4 days a week I am available to work, so that should work in my favour if I ever do get an interview, much less considered for a job.

I’m also half way through my second book in as many months. This is the most I’ve read since my pre-baby days. Unfortunately neither book I’ve chosen to read has been that stimulating. The first, a Dean Koontz book (The Taking) was so NOT what I am into in the entertainment area. Its about aliens, basically. They come and take everyone, except a bunch of kids and adults who actually have skills and the ability to rebuild civilisations from the ground up. It was so mind numbing. I never have been able to get into the whole aliens thing. X-Files? Yeah, think I’m the only person in the world who thought that show was just plain stupid. Now I’m reading Dan Brown’s “The Lost Symbol”. I find myself skimming through a lot of the commentary and just reading the discussion/conversation parts. I am not as intrigued by it as I was by The DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons. I think its because I saw an interview with him on The Today Show and he came off as quite…pompous. But I guess when you become as rich and famous as he has, somewhat overnight, it is likely to go straight to your head.

I should mention, if you were wondering what I am going to do about Melbourne Cup, my husband has put in for two days off work (Monday and Tuesday of Melbourne Cup) so since Nicklas will be in kindy  Monday, we’re having a date day, and Tuesday he’ll stay home and watch N while me and the girls go eat, drink and be merry…and maybe watch a horse race or two. I don’t really like to watch the horses get whipped, so I guess I’m just using it as an excuse to get dressed up, wear a hat, and have a few drinks before noon.