Depression September 29, 2008

One of our main reasons for moving to Australia was to be near my family for when we had children, and so that I could stay home with those children. The way mechanics are paid in the US, there’s no way we could have had this arrangement had we stayed in Atlanta. We’re now 3 months into the whole “Stay At Home Mum” (SAHM) thing, and I thought things were getting better or easier, but this morning I’ve completely lost it.

My hair is falling out. I hate my wardrobe, which is made up of mostly maternity clothes still because I haven’t lost anywhere NEAR enough weight to fit any of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I am completely disgusted with myself for my lack of exercise. But most of the time I am so lethargic, which would be fixed by exercising more, but how do you exercise when all you want to do is sleep? Its a catch 22.

I feel like I’m “stuck” with the baby all week, and then even when Mike comes home from work at night, or is home on the weekends, I still feel like I get “stuck” with the baby, because he has been so fussy lately, and it seems like I’m the only one who can calm him down. I don’t want to feel like that, it is an awful feeling. I love Nicklas more than I ever thought I could love another person. And I love being with him, but sometimes it just all gets so overwhelming. He has been real colicky lately, and we spoke to a pharmacist yesterday about it who recommended some colic relief to try. I really hope it works.

I was just reading the wikipedia entry on Post Partum Depression. I would say I have about 8 out of the 17 listed symptoms. The thing is that these feelings are fairly sporadic, and honestly, mostly directed at my poor husband. I think part of it is that he gets to go to work every day and gets a break from everything here. And I think on some level I am resentful of that, even though I know this is the life I chose. Of course that leads to guilt, and I feel it on a number of different levels. Guilt that I’m not always happy to be home with my son, that I’m always so cranky and depressed around my husband, that I can’t communicate why I feel this way or what will fix it. I think I am in a “the grass is always greener” rut. Mike said if I wanted to go back to work he’d stay home, but I’m sure that would make me feel even more guilty. And it wouldn’t be long before I’d be complaining about having to work!

I thought I could be this stay at home super-mum. And I don’t feel like a super-mum at all. I feel like a fat, lazy, cranky mum.

Reasons to Vote September 26, 2008

Here in Australia, we have no choice. If you are registered to vote, and you don’t, you are fined. It is illegal to not vote. I understand with the large population of the US, it would be next to impossible to make the same laws. But I think it is important that people get out and vote. That said, if you don’t know what you’re voting for then its probably best you sit it out.

Bill Clinton was on The View this week and was asked what he thought about the Hillary supporters who are now throwing their vote over to McCain because he has a woman on the ticket. President Clinton responded with something along the lines of, “You can’t tell people their reason for voting isn’t legitimate” or something to that effect. He explained that Hillary didn’t begrudge the African-Americans who were voting for Obama because of his race and he confessed that we all have prejudices that may make us identify with one candidate more than another.

At first I thought it was a good answer. But the more I thought about it, the more I disagreed with it. I am a woman, but that doesn’t mean I will vote for a woman because I identify with her gender. I don’t think people should vote for anyone because of their race, gender, religious views or any other superficial reason. People need to educate themselves on the issues then prioritize those orders with their beliefs and go from there. Abortion, civil rights, tax reform, budget and economy, gun control, education…just to mention a few. It can get confusing if you try to understand every bill regarding every issue, but I think if you look at the general overviews, decide what is really important to you, read up on where the politicians stand with those issues, then it will help you decide who to vote for.

I would much rather you tell me you voted for McCain because you are Pro-Life than “because he will put a woman in the White House.”

McCain Shenanigans September 25, 2008

This guy really is a piece of work. Less than a week ago I saw him on The View telling the ladies that he has challenged Obama to several town hall debates all across the country and Obama won’t go for it. Now they have their first scheduled debate, and he pulls this “need to focus on the economic crisis” excuse for delaying/postponing the debate. Because not having the debate will fix all the economical problems. Sounds like a cop-out to me. Or another one of his sneaky, underhanded attempts at trying to win votes. I absolutely despise this man, and if he wins this election, I might finally be able to be 100% happy that we left the country.

Nick’s First Beach Trip September 21, 2008

It was a beautiful weekend here yesterday and today (until the current thunder and lightning started, but the rest was fine!). So yesterday morning we went and had a beachside bbq breakfast, and took Nick down to the sand and water. He didn’t really know what to make of it all at first, and kicked his feet in the sand a bit, getting it all up his shorts, of course! The water was a bit rough and there were “Danger – No Swimming” signs everywhere, so we stood on the very edge and waited for the big waves to finally reach us, just before they started going back out again. The first few times Mike put Nick’s feet in the water he looked as if to say, “What is this?” Then on the third or fourth wave, Mike dipped Nick’s toes in and he started screaming. That was the end of the beach trip! Here are a few pics though:

Getting his feet wet…


And not happy about it!

The Wezners on the beach

Sporting his bucket hat and Baby Banz sunnies!

A few of the gals on a parenting forum that I read had mentioned that they’d had a bath with their bubs, so Friday night I thought I’d try it, and it was fun! Nicklas is used to being in his baby bath, which is getting smaller and smaller for him. We have a large spa bath, so this was like being in a swimming pool for him! He was trying to stand on the bottom but his feet kept slipping. I think he liked it though, he kept tilting his body back dipping the back of his head in the water. I think he is going to like the pool. I can’t wait to get him in to swimming lessons! They don’t start them until 5 months, so 2 more months to go! I’ve already got his little swimsuit and everything! Here’s a pic of him in the bathtub, stretching his body back to put his head in the water. I am sure when he’s 16, 17 and brings a girlfriend home, this picture will be the first one to come out! (Ignore the big mole on my back – I’ve had it checked and its nothing to worry about!)

Nicklas’ Pjamas September 18, 2008

These are my son’s PJs. Notice anything wrong?

Being A Mum September 17, 2008

If I am going to be honest, the first month or so of being a mum…well, I had my doubts about it. I didn’t feel that automatic bond when they put him on my chest. I was still in shock that I’d just been cut and had a tear, and when he finally came out it all happened so quickly I don’t think I really knew what was going on. Then it seemed to take forEVER for them to stitch me up, and I was paying more attention to what was going on down there than to the fact I was a new mum.

But now…NOW is a different story. Those first few weeks I had no problem leaving him with mum while I ran to the store, or while we were at Kate & Adrian’s wedding. He ate, he slept, he didn’t do much else. Now he looks at me, smiles at me and smiles back at me when I smile at him. He laughs and “talks”. When mum had him last Saturday for most of the day, I missed him terribly. Every time he smiles at me I think my heart might burst out of my chest. When he cries, my heart breaks.

I finally understand why women go back for more. Its not because we get “mumnesia” and forget our birthing experiences. Its because the older our babies get and the more interractive they get, the more pleasurable it is being a mum. We realise it really IS all worth it, even though when everyone told us that at the start we didn’t really believe them. I’m not sure I really believe all those who say “It’s easier the second time” either, but everything they’ve told me has come true so far!

Night and Day September 17, 2008

I think Nicklas has finally figured out the difference between night and day. The last 3 nights he’s gone to sleep around 8 pm, and he’s woken up at 5:30, 4:00 and 3:30 respectively. I hope that’s not a pattern and it doesn’t keep getting earlier and ealier! And of course, now he’s awake from the 45 minute nap he just took!

Stop The Presses! September 15, 2008

My sweet, beautiful baby boy SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT last night!! He fell asleep at about 8 pm, and when Mike’s alarm went off at 5:30 am this morning, I sat up and looked at the clock, then looked at the cot, and said, “He didn’t get up! He slept through!” I was so happy and excited that I had to pick him up, even though he wasn’t quite awake yet. He was stirring, but probably would have slept even longer if the alarm hadn’t gone off! I’ve been trying not to get my hopes up that he’ll sleep through again tonight, but they are pretty high. Mike’s giving him a bottle now and hopefully that will put him into la-la land until 5 or 6 am. Fingers crossed!!

McDonalds Banned September 13, 2008

News just in from Australia…if you thought it was the poor food choice by parents and/or their kids that was causing this childhood obesity epidemic, think again. Apparently, it is the fast food COMMERCIALS that are making us fat. A group of politicians are trying to pass legislature that would ban fast food restaurants from running advertisements because they make kids want to eat fast food, which in turn makes them fat. Apparently it has nothing to do with the fact that parents don’t know what the word “NO” is when Junior sees a commercial for a McHappy Meal which comes with a toy they so desperately want and need. I think we all KNOW that a whopper or double cheeseburger is not good for us. But in knowing that, we still make the choice to eat it. So it should be up to us to make the choice not to eat it. And I gotta tell you, seeing a McDonalds commercial doesn’t make me want McDonalds…knowing how good its going to taste when I have it makes me want McDonalds. The minor fact that it makes you feel like absolute CRAP about 15 minutes after you’ve eaten it tends to escape my memory until, well, about 10 or 15 minutes after I’m done!

Seriously people, is this what we are coming to? Blaming the fast food restaurants for our kids being fat? As a parent, you have a certain control over what your kids eat up to a certain age. Make healthier choices for them, and while you’re at it, healthier choices for yourself. I’m not saying you can’t have the odd McDonalds burger every now and then, but it shouldn’t be a staple meal in your diet. Stop blaming everyone around you, and ask yourself what groceries you’re buying? How much exercise is your child (or you?) getting? It shouldn’t be that difficult to say no to something that is seriously debilitating our youth, especially when its your own child. You don’t have to deprive them of treats, but you do have to teach them the benefits of eating well, and quit blaming everyone else but yourself.

Censorship September 12, 2008

If I am to believe my stats for this page, a lot of people read this blog. Unfortunately, I don’t know who they all are, plus being a public website, anyone could stumble across it. So I do a lot of censoring, and try not to talk about sensitive issues, like family problems, or personal problems. I think typing out my birthing story might have been the most personal I’ve ever gotten.

When I first moved to the US, I was shocked by how many of my classmates families had “issues”. Sure, I had divorced parents, but everyone got along on either side. I didn’t understand how family COULDN’T get along. Now I do. And I think that family relationships are harder to repair than friendships or intimate relationships. Unfortunately, I think my husband and I both have relationships in our families that will not mend. At least, at this stage I can’t see anything in the near future that would heal the rifts. Perhaps the saddest part of it all, is that none of us involved seem to care.

I have come to realise that we have two families, the one we’re born into and the one we choose (the funny thing about that is that exact line was on Days of Our Lives today…I have obviously turned into a soapie since being a stay at home mum!). Sometimes the one we’re born into is also one we would choose, sometimes its not. The tough part for us right now is that if we could have every one of our chosen family in the one city, we’d be fine, but they’re now spread all over the world. The other thing I’m starting to realise is that we are family…my husband, myself and our son. Eventually you have to just realise who knows you best, and who cares about you the most, and make those people matter. Not the rest of them.