Stem Cells June 28, 2008

I’m watching a program on ABC about a family whose little girl was diagnosed with leukemia. She’s in remission now, but a nurse casually asked her if she was going to have any more children. She was then told that if she were to have another child, the stem cells from that baby could save their daughter should she relapse. So the couple got pregnant again, and then found out that unless the daughter relapsed, they wouldn’t find out if those stem cells were a match. In a check up with their doctor a couple of weeks prior to the birth of the baby, they found out that there is only a 25% chance of those stem cells being a perfect match, and if they ARE a perfect match, then there’s only 50% chance the transplant would work, anyway.

The mother said if they found out this baby’s stem cells were not a match, they would have another child.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. It would make me question why these children were being brought into the world, and what if they’re not matches? How many children do you have? Do you get to the point of resenting them for not being a match? Another family on there said that unless you’ve gone through what these families are going through, you can’t judge them for having more children with the intent to harvest stem cells. Maybe I can’t judge, but I can have an opinion. And my opinion is that they make a good argument against the legalisation of stem cells.

Our hospital doesn’t do cord blood collection, but there are private banks that can come in and do it if you desire. Its expensive, and I guess if it was guaranteed to help/save someone, it would be worth it. But 50% chance after it only having a 25% chance of being a match…I don’t know if its worth it.

Hypnobirthing June 27, 2008

I bought a book titled Hypnobirthing, not to be confused with Hippobirthing, and am not really sure what to think of it. The philosophy of it is that a woman in labour can essentially perform a self-hypnosis, and get through the childbirthing process with no pain at all. Its based on a theory by Grantly Dick-Read that fear=tension=pain, so if women can leave their fear outside the birthing suite, they can experience a pain-free birth. Like most things, it sounds great in theory.

I’ve only read the first few chapters of the book, which I interpret to blame Christians for womens fear of childbirth. When women were worshipped by the Greeks, the ability to bear children was seen as God-like. Then come the Christians with their Adam & Eve story and the “curse of Eve”, leading Christian women to believe bearing children is a painful punishment.

Grantly Dick-Read observed the childbirth differences between the upper-class educated women who birthed in hospitals compared to the lower societal women who birthed wherever the labor started. He noted that the one thing the upper-class women had that the other women did not was fear.

My plan is to remember to breathe, and to remind myself that when its all over, we’ll have our son with us. I agree that the more tense you are, the more pain you feel. I don’t know if I believe in the ability to have no pain at all in childbirth, but I do think that breathing and a little bit of mind-over-matter will help to lessen the pain. Now, lets see how we go putting all this theoretical mambo jambo into practice.

Teenage Pregnancy Pacts June 23, 2008

I think most people have heard about the 17 or so girls who are pregnant at a Massachusetts high school after making a pact to get pregnant and raise their kids together. One girl is said to have gotten pregnant after sleeping with a 24 year old homeless man.

One news article I read said the girls spoke of “unconditional love” and I guess they figured the only person who could do that would be a child. Who are they looking up to that makes them think this lifestyle would be at all desirable or glamorous? Jamie Lynn Spears? I’m sure it helps when you have a multimillionaire for a sister. I am 29 years old, have a husband, am about to have a baby and am still not sure I’m going to be able to handle it. There’s no way I could have cared for a child at 17 years old. Although, I guess if I had to, I would have figured it out. But its definitely not a path I would have purposefully chosen.

I am really curious to know what their parents are like. I’m not going to jump to any conclusions and assume that they’re absent in their kids lives and have no idea what is going on with them. I think even the most aware parents can have crazy things like this slip past them. But I wonder if any of their folks were young parents.

How do these girls think they’re going to provide for the babies?

The article mentioned that the school, situated in a predominantly white, Catholic area of Mass., was deliberating on ways to improve its sex education. Honestly, I think the girls were educated about sex enough. What they need is anti-teen pregnancy education…realistic classes/lectures about the consequences of teen pregnancy.

If I was a parent of one of those girls, I’d be wondering where I went wrong. What happened that I let my daughter get to 15, 16 years old and her biggest ambition was to have a child?

In my own pregnancy news, I think I’ve finally reached the point where I’d be really excited to go into labor because that means we’re that much closer to meeting him. I’ve also read that the calmer you are, the better the labor is. Panic can slow down or stop labor. For the most part I’m feeling really good, except when I try to sleep. Trying to get comfortable to isn’t easy. I have my 39 week appointment tomorrow, and then the doctor I’ve been going to moves offices. So next week, at 40 weeks, I’ll have to drive 20 minutes away for my check up. Maybe he’ll be here before then and I won’t have to worry about it.

Bizarre Baby Dreams June 21, 2008

I know they say you have weird dreams when you’re pregnant, but this was just crazy. I had a dream last night that I took my baby to my mum’s tennis club. Where I left him, to go next door to another tennis club and watch someone play tennis. When I went back to get him, I was changing his nappy, only there was no penis! It was a girl! And she was big…like 8 months old big, not a newborn. Then all of a sudden both tennis centers were so packed, there was no way we were going to find who switched our babies.

THEN, I couldn’t even remember giving birth, because my mother had taken me to a doctor, and one minute I’m pregnant, the next thing I know I have a baby. Mum called this morning, and I told her about this. I followed up with, “So if you figure out who THAT dr. is, please let me know.”

At That Age June 20, 2008

At 21 I was “at that age” when all my friends were graduating college. From 24-27 I was “at that age” when a lot of friends were getting married. Now I’m 29, and I thought I’d be “at that age” where everyone was having babies. But today it seems like I’m “at that age” where everyone’s getting divorced. Aren’t we too young to be having divorced friends already? It breaks my heart that these marriages didn’t work out. I now have 3 college friends who have been married and divorced.

At the same time, I have two of my best friends getting married – one tomorrow and the other in 5 weeks. And I’m having a baby. Maybe I’m “at that age” where I realize that no matter how old we are, life goes on, and the good times don’t always outweigh the bad.

Relationships are difficult at the best of times. Especially relationships in which one partner sacrifices so much for the other. I know I am lucky to have a husband who would move to the other side of the world for me, but I sometimes wonder if one day he’ll resent his decision to do so and blame me. The only thing that stops me putting so much pressure on myself about that is knowing that if moving back to the US meant that much to him, I would do it in a heartbeat. That’s what marriages are about.

Its easy to be the one to take in a relationship. For some its even easy to be the one who gives. But eventually if there isn’t give AND take, the relationship is going to fall apart. You can only give so much of yourself. And you can only respect and love a giver for so long.

I know people don’t get married with the intention of getting divorced. But what do you do when one person wants to move on with their lives, and the other is left behind, bewildered by this one-sided decision to end the marriage?  What do you do when your partner doesn’t want to fight to make the last 5, 10, 20 years count for something?

I  used to be so scared of marriage because ultimately I was so scared of divorce. But I eventually came to realize that divorce doesn’t have to be the end of the world. There is life, and happiness, and love after divorce. I don’t think you should dwell on the past, but I do think you should learn from it and take those lessons with you.

Women In Their 30s June 18, 2008

Oprah has several women on her show today who are in their 30s. One woman, who is 31, has no children, but has the house and car that is supposed to be full of them. After years of trying, unsuccessfully, to get pregnant, she and her husband are now doing IVF treatments. She got pregnant one time, but there was no heartbeat at the 11 week ultrasound. She told Oprah she feels like a failure, because as a woman, she is supposed to be able to bear children.

I realize that I am in no position to judge or pretend like I understand what she is going through. Obviously, sitting here at 38 weeks pregnant, I’ve been very lucky and very blessed that I’ve had it this easy. But even before I was pregnant, and I knew I wanted children, the thought of not being able to bear my “own” babies never worried me. I knew that at some point in my life, by some method or another, I would be a mother one day. And I never believed that I had to get pregnant and carry this life in me for that to happen.

There are other ways to become a mother – adoption and surrogacy come to mind. I would love to be a foster parent, or to adopt even, but to adopt from the state we live in, at least one partner has to be infertile. I think I’ve posted about that before. I know many people have this mindset that any child not conceived by the couple and carried and birthed by the woman is not “their” child. But I’d like you to find one adoptive parent who would agree with that.

I don’t know if my view on this is skewed because I can bear children, or if I’d still feel the same way if I couldn’t have children. But I feel like the most important part of being a mother is what you do after you’ve got the baby…how you love them, care for them, provide for them, protect them. That has to happen no matter how they came to be yours.

A couple of days ago, twin 18-month olds were found dead, in their home. Its believed they starved to death and had been dead for 9 or 10 days before they were discovered by their 11 year old sibling. This couple, in their late 20s, had 6 children, and have been charged with murder.  THAT is what being a failure is…not the inability to bear children.

Weddings & Objections June 16, 2008

I LOVE weddings, and I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately because my BFF is getting married August 2nd and I’m only going to have 3-4 weeks of post-birth recovery time, depending on when Nick gets here! Nothing will motivate a new mum to exercise like a red bridesmaids dress hanging in the closet! We’re going up to the site Saturday to see it decorated for a wedding they have that day. Also, I was supposed to be in one in Iowa this coming Saturday, but given my current situation that’s no longer happening. I hate that I’m going to miss it, as Sarah, another of my BFFs, was in our wedding in 2006 and I’m so happy for her and her fiance.

But what about when you’re not happy for the people getting married? I know a lot of weddings have cut the “speak now or forever hold your peace” portion out of the ceremony, and you know why? The bride and groom don’t care if you object. Short of “he or she is already married” or “I slept with the bride/groom last night”, there’s nothing anyone can say that is going to change their minds.

So what do you do when someone you care about is about to make a huge mistake? Do you speak up before the wedding? How long before the wedding? Or do you not say anything? How many people after a divorce have said, “Why didn’t you tell me?” Do they think they’d have actually listened?

I’ve come to believe the best thing is to just let people make their own choices and their own mistakes. Its the only way some people learn.  Its not worth the problems it causes to speak up.

School Stunt Debate June 15, 2008

On the morning show this morning they reported on a school whose officials had decided to teach their students a lesson in the perils of drink driving. Evidently going for “shock value” they decided to tell the students that several of their friends had been killed in a drunk-driving accident. Once the students became hysterical, they admitted it was a ‘hoax’ and that they were simply trying to get the message across of what COULD happen.

At first I thought, “Well, it’s a bit over the top, but unfortunately it seems like the only way kids learn is for it to happen.” So to have them THINK it happened, may teach them the lesson without the actual tragedy of losing any of their friends.

But thinking about it more, the people who orchestrated this scheme are people students are supposed to trust. People students are supposed to go to with problems, concerns, issues at school or at home as the case may be. How are they supposed to trust or respect these officials after they pulled this stunt?

I actually think I could convincingly debate for both sides of this argument. I don’t feel that most students trust or respect teachers or school officials anyway, so perhaps for the better part they didn’t really sacrifice anything. Maybe the one kid who would have or has been drink driving walked out of that assembly thinking, “I have to stop, I don’t want to really go through that.” Maybe it has already saved lives that would have otherwise been lost.

I think we all know that students don’t listen to teachers or parents when it comes to drug and alcohol education/speeches. Perhaps this time they got their attention and got the message across, relationships between students and teachers be damned.

I Wish I Had My Camera June 11, 2008

Just now, Nicklas was going NUTS. I wish the camera had been out so I could take video of my belly moving all over the place.

I can definitely tell that I’m getting towards the end of this pregnancy. I think I’m starting to get the 9th-month-waddle that comes from having a baby’s head bearing down on your nether regions. I’ve also had to pee about 8 gazillion times today. When I went to the doctor Thursday, she said the head was partially engaged. At first I thought “Good! Only a couple of weeks to go!” Then I read stories online about women whose babies were fully engaged and they didn’t come out for another 4 weeks after that! So I guess the best I can take away from that is that he is, as my BFF said, “Heading in the right direction!” I’m sure the pun was totally intended.

Our fifth and final birthing class was Tuesday night. We got doll babies and wraps to learn how to swaddle. I still haven’t figured out why in 5 weeks of birthing class the only time we got to do anything with a doll baby was to learn to swaddle. I’m sure that’s something that could have been shown once we were in hospital with our real baby, like changing nappies, breast feeding, bathing…

Maybe I should get the camera…here he goes again. It is really distracting, especially when he gets a good kick to the hip region. The midwife did say on Tuesday that the time of day the baby is most active in the uterus can be indicative of when he’ll be the most fussy outside the womb. If that’s the case, then about 7 – 10 pm every day should be a riot.

I am still fluctuating between being completely freaked out about the whole giving birth thing, and being as calm as a … thing that is calm. I really do realize that the only way out of this pregnancy thing is to give birth, and realizing that makes me calm, because all I can do is go with the flow. My doctor assured me that when the time came, they WOULD get him out. I guess at times I feel like I’ve been pregnant for about a year and he’s never going to get here. To be completely honest, I haven’t loved being pregnant. That’s not to say I haven’t had a good pregnancy, because I think compared to a lot of people I know I’ve been quite lucky. I didn’t have any morning sickness, I’ve had no blood pressure problems, but I haven’t been “in love”with being pregnant like some women get.

I have forgotten what its like to not be pregnant, to not have a little creature moving around constantly, kicking me, making my belly grow. I can’t wait for the day I can wear clothes that aren’t maternity clothes, or I don’t have to wear one of 3 shirts I have that actually cover my belly.

So far my only real exercise plan is to walk around the park with my sister and her dog. I’ll push the stroller, Kayla will walk Charlie. Its win-win for everyone.  We’ll see how that goes for getting me into my bridesmaid’s dress for August 2nd!

Completely unrelated…my right hand has been acting funny the last couple of days. I am a really fast typer, and I don’t know if my mind works faster than my hands, or what, but sometimes it’s like my right hand just doesn’t know what its doing.  I was doing a crossword puzzle, too, and my writing went all funny, like I had no control over what my hand was doing. Is this a side affect of pregnancy? I haven’t had any headaches or funny vision, so I’m assuming, in a Schwarzenegger voice, that ITS NOT A TUMOR.

Obama vs McCain June 10, 2008

Hilary Clinton FINALLY conceded the democratic race to Sen. Obama, and now the speculation is all on who he will choose as his VP running mate. CNN has questioned whether he can afford to NOT choose Hilary, given the number of supporters she could bring to the voting polls on November 4th. Another article speculates there could be as many as 30% of her supporters who will either not vote or will vote for McCain. The tragic thing about this is that they obviously are voting for McCain to spite the Democratic party. If they were voting on the issues, they would still vote for Obama. McCain’s campaign managers haven’t missed a beat though, reaching out to the Hilary supporters who don’t know where to turn now that she’s out of the running. In a typically-political sleezy move, they’ve announced how fond they are of Hilary, and how respected she is at McCain headquarters.

What I once thought was a positive for the Democrats – two incredibly strong candidates – I now fear has become a liability. The race between Obama and Clinton has dragged on at least 3 months longer than it should ever have, and now Obama has limited time to select a running mate and make a strong campaign for the White House. That said, the amount of media attention focused on the O v C race possible deflected any attention the McCain campaign may have tried to drum up.

I’m sure we have several debates to look forward to now. And hopefully all the upset Hilary supporters will watch, and realize that Obama is the right vote to make.  How anyone could support Hilary and then turn around and vote for McCain (or any republican for that matter)  is absolutely beyond me.

As for Hilary being the VP nominee, I really don’t see that as being a strong partnership. I don’t see Hilary playing second fiddle to anyone. That combined with Bill and Hilary’s previous 8 years in the White House, I think the lines of who was really in charge would be very blurred. What president would want two former White House residents criticizing his every move? I imagine it would be very much like a school yard, with the grade 12 bullies picking on the grade 8 newbie.