January 17, 2010

I just read my last post to see what I had been talking about. Well, duh, of course our mini holiday was great! Why would I think it would be anything but?

In saying that, I think we could have taken Nick to ANY zoo and he would have been happy. We probably didn’t have to take him to the most expensive one around! $55 per person!? We had discounts (student and RACQ) that brought it down to $45 per person, and we took our own food, so that wasn’t too bad I guess. But if you want to have your photo taken with a tiger, you better take that extra $500 you were keeping for a rainy day!

The hotel we stayed at was lovely, as was their pool. Nicklas had a fantastic time swimming and running all over the huge ledge they had it in. What a great idea for a pool! Of course, mummy had a heart attack every time he ran right off the edge! But he didn’t care, under he went until daddy scooped him up!

I think 1 more, possibly 2 more nights would have been nice. We were gone 2 nights/3 days and it was nice, but a tad short (I know, when is holiday ever NOT short?!). But an extra day or two to relax would have been nice.

I can’t believe it is already time for Mike to start his new job tomorrow! His week off went by so quickly, as is to be expected. It will be a while before he gets another holiday now, as his new place of employment shuts down for 3 weeks over Christmas/New Year. Which will be GREAT when the time comes, but it will be a long 11 months until that happens!

I better go get some sleep. We have to drive Mike to work in the morning as the truck he’s buying failed the road worthy test Saturday and they weren’t able to get parts until tomorrow. Nothing like leaving things until the very last minute!

On Holiday January 10, 2010

It is nice to have a Sunday night in which no one has to wake up early in the morning for work or daycare. Instead, we can relax and get up when we want, and then we’ll pack the car and head on our mini-vacation to Australia Zoo! Hopefully the weather will be great and we will be able to have a long, fun day at the zoo on Tuesday.

This afternoon we headed down to the beach with Nick and my mum. I can’t express enough how much Nick LOVES the beach, and the waves and the water. We all had so much fun, me, hubby and mum taking turns to chase him around and pick him up every time a wave knocked him over.

After a little while, mum was watching him and hubby and I decided to go for a swim. It was absolutely perfect! But something a bit out of the ordinary happened when a woman, also in the surf, said, “Excuse me, but are you guys that little boy’s parents?” (keep in mind Nick had been running all over the place – in the water, out of the water, up to strangers, half way to the next surf club…everyone noticed him!). We said we were, and she asked if he was our first. When we said he was, she said that it was so nice to watch us with him. She said all she remembers from her first (she now has 3) was her and her husband arguing over who should be watching him.

It is nice to be complimented on your parenting skills, even if all she saw was all of us playing on the beach. We are not perfect all of the time, on the contrary, we are hardly ever perfect. But I like to think we do what is best for our child, and make sure he is nurtured, loved, and learns that you can still have fun while following boundaries.

It was a nice contrast to the woman and son (probably 14) beside us who were swinging punches at each other. It was so bad, the life guards had to step in and hold the kid off his mum. Pretty sad state of affairs. I hope that Nick grows up to be a kind, fun-loving kid, not an angry one who throws punches at anyone let alone me!

One more sleep until we go see the home of the late, infamous, Crocodile Hunter. Hope it is a great holiday!

How Do You Mend A Broken Heart January 8, 2010

A few months ago, when I was starting to get really interested in photography, I joined the photography community over at DPS. They have a lot of really helpful articles, as well as a fantastic forum with tens of thousands of members who are always willing to offer advice and constructive criticism. One of their contributors to the site is Natalie, a very talented photographer out of Hawaii.

My heart has been breaking for Natalie and her family today as last night they lost their 10 week old baby boy, Gavin, to pertussis (whooping cough). Poor little Gavin fought hard, but ultimately the whooping cough combined with RSV and pneumonia made the battle too great for the little guy.

I was glued to Natalie’s blog, reading the updates and, ultimately, the final result. I can’t begin to tell you how strong and full of faith this woman is.

No parent should ever have to outlive their children, and it is something you wouldn’t wish on anyone. I look at my son and I know that I would completely fall apart if anything were to ever happen to him. Today I have hugged him a little longer and tighter, and have again been reminded how very fortunate I am to have such a happy and healthy little boy. Why must it take someone’s great loss and personal tragedy to remind us of this? Why are we all guilty of taking what we have been so blessed with for granted?

If you have a second today, could you please say a prayer, send a thought, or send positive energy to Natalie and her family for healing and peace in their hearts. And give your kids an extra big squeeze for no reason at all but because you love them and because you can.

Champagne High January 7, 2010

Well, not a champagne high necessarily, more like a cipramil high. I’ve been on my anti-depressant for 2 weeks now, and I am feeling good. Not “high”, or giddy or anything like that. Just level. I feel “normal” for the first time in ages. I can get out of bed, shower, and face the day, without thinking how hard everything is going to be. Without wishing for the day to be over or wondering how I’m going to get through it. It feels good to feel good. And it feels good to know that I can still FEEL my emotions. This drug does not make me numb, as some others have reported antidepressants making them. I still get happy, and I get sad, but the difference is now I get sad over things that ARE sad, not over stupid TV commercials or for no particular reason. It probably helps, too, that my son is sleeping well again, and I am getting a decent night’s sleep.

Depression is not just a mental state or an emotional state of being sad or upset. It is a very physical feeling of exhaustion, of confusion, of haziness. Sometimes it takes more than exercise or talking to get through that.

But enough of THAT! I have a story to tell about my adorable 18 month old, who this morning made my heart melt. I dropped him at daycare on my way to dropping my husband at work. Mike took him inside while I waited in the car. There are two gates from the parking lot to the building, the door to the building, then another gate to the hallway which his room is down. When Nicklas got out of the car he waved bye to me. Before the first gate, he stopped and turned to wave at me again. He went through that gate, and turned and waved again. He repeated that for the next gate. Each time he had a huge smile on his face that said, “Bye mum! I’m off to play with my friends! Have a good day!” Words can’t describe how much love I have for that kid. He is so amazing, and gets more and more so every day.

2009 In Review December 31, 2009

I’ve just read back over my 2007 and 2008 years in review and boy did that bring back a lot of memories!

2007 and 2008 were life changing years for us, what with moving our lives to a different country, welcoming our first child into the world…those are about as life-changing as it can get.

2009 has been great as far as settling into our new home, and our new role as parents goes. Nicklas is more amazing every day. He is 18 months old now, and the past 12 months have seen him travel to the States, turn 1, start daycare, and generally develop into a very funny little guy. He has the sweetest, kindest, cheekiest personality and I love hearing him laugh, and laughing with him. It was a struggle starting daycare, but this morning when I dropped him off there were no tears at all! It is a great thing to have so much faith in the ladies that look after your child when you’re not there. One of them in particular, is fantastic with Nick, and he just adores her.

Nick being at daycare has allowed me to go back to work, and school. In August I started a small home-based photography business and have done some shoots of kids, families, couples and have my first weddings booked for next year. I also went back to school to start work on my Masters in Business: Event Management. I’m only taking 1 class a semester, so it could take a while, but its nice to be working towards something. Then in November I started working at a local resort golf course, in the pro shop. The extra money is great, as is the interaction with our staff and guests (aka ADULTS!).

In June we took a trip to the States to visit friends and family, and Mike’s family all got to meet Nicklas for the first time. That is also when he took his first steps! We were SO excited! Now of course he runs everywhere full speed and doesn’t slow down for anything! During our stay in Detroit, one of the highlights of the visit was taking a tour of Joe Louis Arena, home of the Detroit Red Wings. The BIGGEST highlight was my brother-in-law having connections to get us into places no other tour goes, like the locker room! Here we of COURSE had to take pics of Nicklas sitting in Nick Lidstrom’s locker (the player for who he is named). As a fantastic surprise, for Nicklas for Christmas, my mother-in-law made a poster w/ a couple of those pics and had Nick Lidstrom sign it, as well as a toddler sized jersey. I think he was shocked to learn that her grandson in Australia was named after him!

When we got home from the states, Mike found out he’d been replaced at work (and essentially demoted). It didn’t take long for him to start looking for other opportunities, and the stars aligned to have something come by pretty easily. He starts that in a couple of weeks, and is excited but nervous.

If you read my last post, you also know that I was diagnosed with Post Natal Depression very recently and am still navigating my way through that information. Will update you on that in a few weeks.

As I predicted at the end of last year, this Christmas was more fun because Nicklas was into it so much more than last year. I can only imagine what the next few years will be like.

2009 has been fun, and jam-packed on the personal level. On the celebrity level, it has been a little bit crazy. The two biggest media-attention-grabbing headlines were most definitely Michael Jackson’s death, and Tiger Woods’ 11 mistresses and counting! Boy has THAT created a stir!

Some of the more popular people we lost this year include:

Natasha Richardson died in March after a seemingly innocuous skiing accident.
Golden Girl Bea Arthur died in April from cancer.
Ed McMahon died in June.
Michael Jackson also died in June, from an apparent drug OD.
Farrah Fawcett died the same day, from cancer.
Walter Cronkite died in July.
Senator Ed Kennedy died in August.
DJ AM also died in August (after narrowly escaping death in Sept 2008 after his plane crashed)
Patrick Swayze lost his battle to cancer in September.
Brittany Murphy died 5 days before Christmas after going into cardiac arrest at age 32.

It was not a good year to be a celebrity. Although, there were plenty of celebrity babies welcomed into the world, also, with the following celebs (and more!) having bubs in 2009:

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner
Ellen Pompeo
Jamie Oliver
Nicole Ritchie and Joel Madden
Chyler Leigh
Mel Gibson
Heidi Klum and Seal
Tiger and Elin Woods (we know how that turns out though!)
Roger Federer
Charlie Sheen
Sarah Michelle and Freddy Prinze
Cobie Smulders
Allyson Hannigan

Several friends of mine also had bubs, Emily B, Belinda, Emily S, Marie-Louise, Hayley…so happy for all of them!

And now, I have to go to that place I mentioned before…WORK.

Here’s hoping for a happy and healthy 2010, filled with love and laughter.

Christmas Eve! December 24, 2009

Twas the day before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even…well actually, we do have a mouse and he’s been doing a lot of stirring lately! My husband came face-to-face with him in the top of our pantry a week or so ago. We have since cleaned off the top shelf (he was eating the flour!) and put a humane mouse trap in, but last night I heard him in the ROOF! Not sure how we are going to get him, and I’m actually hoping that since we are in a townhouse, he can get over into the neighbour’s roof and become their problem! Ha!

Anyway, it is Christmas Eve and hubby is at work, Nicklas is at daycare, and I have a couple more hours before I have to be at work. So I thought I would sit down and write an entry on this blog since it once again, has been so very long.
But don’t take it personal, I looked to see when the last time I wrote my son a letter was and it was back in March! Do you know how much stuff has happened since March? Well, for one, we took a huge trip overseas so he could meet his American family. And then we came home and celebrated his first birthday! So it was time I caught up on that, too.
I recently went to the doctors to have a few moles checked out. I also mentioned my exhaustion, laziness and “baby brain” symptoms that I’ve been having since…oh I don’t know, since Nick was BORN. To cut a somewhat long story short, the doctor diagnosed me with Post Partum Depression and thinks I’ve probably had it since Nick was born but it was never diagnosed. The sad thing is, I went to a doctor when he was a few months old and said I wasn’t coping, and she told me to get someone to watch him once a week so I could have a break. And that was that.

In some ways I think that the way I feel must be the way MOST parents of toddlers feel. But according to the doctor it shouldn’t last this long. But on the other hand, I think I had suspected I had PPD for a while, but kept putting it down to other things – my hectic schedule, not sleeping well, etc.

The thing is, when you say Post Partum Depression, I think people automatically think of women who do really crazy things, like, I dont know, drown their kids? I’ve never had those sorts of thoughts/feelings etc. The biggest symptoms I have are exhaustion and mushy brain. It is an effort to do ANYTHING and I say really stupid things. Like, “I’m going to eat my couch on the dinner” instead of, “I’m going to eat my dinner on the couch.”  Sure, everyone does this once in a while, but you should ask my husband how many times I’ve done it in the last couple of months. And I don’t even realise it!

Some people have suggested I go to counselling. And look, its not that I am against counselling. In fact, I am very much for it and would recommend anyone go who has issues they can’t resolve. The thing is, this isn’t about any underlying issue that is getting me down.

I think the tell-tale sign for the doctor was when he asked how long I’d been feeling like this and I said, “I don’t remember the last time I didn’t feel like this.” I just want to have energy again and be a bit more even-keeled on a more regular basis. One thing I’m figuring out is that depression isn’t necessarily an emotional problem, its a very physical problem, too.

So this morning I started on the anti-depressant that I was prescribed. Its a “new generation” drug according to the doctor, one that is very safe and effective. I know there is a stigma attached to depression and anti-depressants. It makes me wonder how many other people out there suffer from it but have never been diagnosed? The hardest part of the diagnosis for me to accept is that there is no “test” that can be done to say “yes, that is it” or “no, that’s not it”. The doctor ran full blood work and that all came back excellent. Which I guess is good news. I’m really healthy, just really depressed! Great.

I know that by sharing my diagnosis I am inviting all kinds of mixed reactions, opinions, and advice from anyone and everyone who will want to tell me what I SHOULD do, or what I HAVE to do.  I’ll try to take people’s comments and opinions with a grain of salt, but ultimately, unless you’ve been through this yourself, your opinion will mean very little to me. Just know that I have made my decision, and I’ll let you know in a couple of weeks how I am feeling.

By the way, I’ve just noticed that I did a 2007 and 2008 review. I guess that means that sometime in the next week I have to come back and do a 2009 review!

Working Hard To Make A Livin’ November 20, 2009

I’m going to write this post, before I add the title, because if I keep making my titles about how long its been between posts, that will get old. As will starting every post with, “Sorry its been so long.” In actual fact, I’m NOT sorry it has been so long. I have been a lazy sod and have no excuses, nor apologies. I’d like to say its because I’ve been living such a full life outside of the internet that I’ve just neglected to write. But sadly life has just been busy, not full. I know I know, I have probably preached on here before about how I hate when people say they’re too busy to call or keep in touch. But this time its actually kind of true!

I have started working about 20 hours a week at a golf shop, add on top of that being a mum, wife, student (though I can’t start playing THAT card yet because class finished before my job started!)…needless to say I’ve been a bit run off my feet.

This job is essentially retail. I have never done retail in my LIFE and to that fact, I have never had a job where you’ve had to be on your feet all day. So the first week was a real shocker for my feet, legs, back etc. There have literally been days where I have come home from work, eaten dinner, and gone to bed by about 8 pm. During my second week on the job, I got SICK so the two days I did have off, I spent in bed or on the couch, with a stomach bug. Given that my second week of work JUST ended, I’m still not out of the woods. I haven’t eaten a proper meal in over 5 days. I have no appetite at all, and because of that, no energy.

Its not that I don’t have anything to gripe about, or anything to talk about. I’m sure I could find something (most recently I’ve been up in arms over government spending and THE COST OF BLOODY INSURANCE), but I just haven’t had the energy or the will to sit here, and write.

And sometimes I don’t want to whine about everything that irritates me. Because you know what? Lately that is a lot. Everything irritates the shit out of me. But I think I’ll leave that for another day.

That said, I had a great day today with my son. We played at the playground this morning, went for a swim this afternoon, and I feel like I can honestly say I had a lot of good moments with him today. I wasn’t frustrated at him ALL day like I have been recently. He is almost 17 months, so close enough to 2 that he thinks he can start pulling the “Terrible 2s” attitude with me. He throws things, hits things (and people!) and doesn’t listen. He has no idea what “no” means, or strike that, he knows what it means, but he doesn’t believe in it. Its been very trying. But he is doing well at childcare, so that is something I guess. I’m just not sure what. Will let you know when I figure it out.

So Irritated!!! November 1, 2009

O.M.F.G. I am so irritated right now.

This could get complicated, so try to stay with me. Australia has a public health system, I’m sure I’ve talked about it before. But there is also a private option, of which we have bought into. We pay about $210 a month for hospital and extras cover for the 3 of us (extras being dental, vision, chiro, etc).

We have been with them for over a year now, so we don’t have any waiting periods or anything for any of the services. However, when we had our son, we hadn’t been with them for 12 months, so were not eligible for maternity. Which meant we had Nicklas at the public hospital, not the private. It also meant that I saw a GP during my pregnancy, not an OB.

So here’s how it currently works to “go private” for maternity. You get pregnant, you start seeing an OB who charges whatever they want per visit. For arguments sake, we’ll say $100 per visit. MEDICARE (the public health sector) gives you a refund on part of that, say approximately $70. So you are $30 out of pocket for your visit. Your private health fund gives you NOTHING. $0. So then your OB says, “Oh, by the way, I have a $3000 pregnancy maintenance program fee, as well as a $1500 delivery fee.” Of this, Medicare currently refunds 80% of your out-of-pocket expenses. Again, for arguments sake, you’re out of pocket say $900 for those fees. Then you get admitted to hospital to deliver the baby, and PRIVATE healthcare finally kicks in. In our case, I think we have a $500 deductible that we’d pay and the rest is covered. So not too bad $1400, + OB visits to have your baby in a private hospital and have continued care from the same OB throughout your pregnancy and recovery.

Starting January 1 of 2010, the Medicare rebate will be capped at $300 for OB fees. Meaning instead of paying $1400 to have your baby, you’ll be paying $4700, PLUS whatever you pay for your OB visits during your pregnancy.

Why does this irritate me? I was hoping to have our next bub in the private system. But WHY would I pay all that money, when I can “go public” and not pay a CENT, other than my copay for my GP visits?

To top it off, public hospitals are already delivering TWICE the number of babies they are equipped to handle in a year. This is just going to put even more strain on the already-flailing public healthcare system. I’m sure I’m not the ONLY woman who would have had her next bub in the private hospital, but will now most likely have it in the public one.

I’m not sure who is behind this change, but given that Medicare is the government-funded health scheme, I’d assume its them. While I’d love to blame this on our Prime Minister, or on his party, or on all the MALE politicians, I’m fairly certain the minister for health is a woman. Our Deputy PM is a woman. There are plenty of front and back benchers who are women. HOW does something like this get approved!?  Who gave thought to the consequences of this action? I can only assume NO ONE did, or else surely it wouldn’t have been passed.

Those figures I gave for costs are really just for arguments sake. I don’t have the first clue how much OBs charge for visits or maternity programs or delivery fees, etc. What I do know is that I’m REALLY PO’d that we have private healthcare but it doesn’t seem to cover shit.

Perhaps that is the real problem? Perhaps this is a private healthcare argument. Maybe OB/GYNs need to be covered under “extras” in pivate healthcare options. Of course that would probably just drive our premiums up higher than their already-over-inflated costs.

I’m not even pregnant, but man, as someone who may be pregnant again one day, this really [expletive] irritates me.

Sexisms and Old Fuddy-Duddies October 23, 2009

So I’m sitting there watching TV yesterday, and there’s a commercial for a baby alive, or baby born or something, and its a doll, that PEES and POOPS! Really, who needs a baby when you can get a doll that pretty much does everything your newborn would do????

Obviously there were two little girls in the commercial playing with the dolls. The VERY NEXT commercial was for a car-track-mountain-racer-thing, and had two little BOYS playing with it.

Fast forward 20 years, and each boy is wondering why the girls want to have babies so badly and the girls are wondering why all the boys care about is their cars. Problem solved! Just let boys play with dolls that pee and poo and girls play with race cars.

On a serious note, you have to wonder if the associations aren’t somewhat of a factor in the way that boys and girls turn out. Those dolls are probably great for any kid who is about to become an older sibling. Why do things have to be so gender-oriented ? My son absolutely loves a toy kitchen one of his little girl friends has. So I went looking for one for him for Christmas. I found one at Target, but they only had it in bright pink! I’ve since seen another one at Toys R Us so we are going tomorrow to have a look at it.

I’m not sure how I’d feel if my son was interested in playing with dolls. I don’t think I’d care. The fact is, he’s not that overly keen on toys anyway, so when he likes something and it occupies him for more than 30 seconds, I say its a winner!

In a similar theme, but a little bit scarier, I was reading an op-ed column today about whether or not our kids are growing up too quickly today. My initial response is a resounding “HELL YES THEY ARE!” But then I think, “This is what our parents, and their parents thought, too.” So how young is too young? The article I read mentioned a crop-top style of bra for TODDLERS. Yes, you read that right, a BRA FOR TODDLERS! I mean, I try to keep this blog G-rated, but seriously, WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I can understand why Elvis was so shocking to my grandmother’s generation. That kind of gyrating was a bit OTT for the public. But what of today’s music lyrics, music videos, movies, the internet, magazines…everywhere kids turn there is SEX or sexualised themes. Girls don’t want to grow up to be Prime Minister or President, they want to grow up to live in the Playboy Mansion. Makes me think of Pink’s “Stupid Girls” song. Yes, I’m generalising, and not every girl out there wants to be some dumb ho when they grow up. But I’d hazard a guess as to say that MOST girls are self-conscious, have body-image issues, and are only made to feel worse about themselves from bullying and teasing at school if they don’t want to kiss a boy, or heaven forbid to more than kiss him! I think its hard enough to go through the pressures of that as a teenager, without having to start worrying about it at SIX YEARS OLD.

Who is going to stop this? Who is going to stand up and say “Enough is enough”? Is it not our responsibility as parents to let our kids be kids for as long as possible? I’m not saying keep them sheltered and let them grow up in a naiive environment. But we need to be the ones to protect them, and to encourage them to be the absolute best they can be, and to raise them to be the young men and women we want to see the next generation become. But can’t we let them have a childhood, first?

Seeking Asylum in Australia October 15, 2009

Dear Indonesians,

If your country sucks, which I’m led to believe several of them do, just jump a boat to Australia. The worst case scenario is your boat will be pulled up and taken to Christmas Island where you’ll all be processed and granted visas for Australia. Welcome aboard.

Love from the Australian Government

I’m a bit irritated, if you can’t tell. Boats are caught in international waters on a weekly basis, heading for Australia with any number of immigrants seeking asylum in Australia. While I understand the reasons these people leave their countries, I don’t think rewarding them for illegally trying to come ashore in Australia is an appropriate response. PM Rudd says he won’t tolerate people smuggling, yet that is exactly what we are doing by providing safe harbour for the migrants who are on board these ships. We have a $400M+ facility on Christmas Island where they are held until their visas are processed before sending them to the mainland.

According to one news article, over 700 asylum seekers have been intercepted in the last 6 weeks. And really, why wouldn’t there be, when they  know they won’t be turned away?